“Meet Achmed the Dead Terrorist” | Spark of Insanity | JEFF DUNHAM

“Meet Achmed the Dead Terrorist” | Spark of Insanity  | JEFF DUNHAM

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– [Jeff] Good evening Achmed. – [Achmed] Good evening… infidel. – So you’re a terrorist. – Yes. I am a terrorist. – What kind of terrorist? – A terrifying… Terrorist.
(crowd laughs) Are you scared? – Not really, no. (growls) – And now? – Not really, no. (screams) – How about now? – No. – Goddammit. (crowd laughs and applauds) Oh. Oh. I mean- Allah dammit. (crowd laughs) Silence! I kill you! (crowd laughs) – So, Achmed- – No, no. It’s Achmed. – That’s what I said. – No. You said “Achney”. It’s Achmed. Silence! I kill you! (crowd laughs) – How do you spell it? – What? – How do you spell your name? – Obviously an A… C… flem… (crowd applause) Silence! I kill you! (crowd laughs) – So Achmed, if you’re a terrorist I would suppose you have
some sort of specialty. – Yes. I am a suicide bomber. – Ah! So you’re finished. – What? – You’ve done your job. – No, I haven’t. – But you’re dead. – No, I’m not. I feel fine. – But you’re all bone. – It’s a flesh wound. (crowd laughs) Silence! I kill you! (crowd continues laughing) What the hell happened to my feet?! Son of a bitch! What the hell?! Oh, wait a minute. What the hell?! What are you doing?! What the- stop it! What are you doing?! Stop touching me! (crowd laughs) I kill you! – All right. Just hold on. We’ll fix this. – Okay. Wait, what are you doing!? Holy crap, I’m in the air. Wait, wait. Wait, something is backwards. Holy crap (mumbles) I need some ligaments! – Just sit still. – Okay. I will not move my ass. – [Walter] You idiot.
You don’t have an ass. (crowd bursts into laughter and cheer) – [Achmed] Is that Walter? – [Jeff] Yeah. – He scares the crap out of me. Please do not put me back
in the same suitcase! – Why? – He has gas! (crowd laughs) Sedan’s mustard gas was nothing compared to a Walter fart! (Walter laughs) (crowd bursts into applause) It’s not funny! He will kill us!
(crowd laughs) – All right listen Achmed, I
have something to tell you. – What? – You really are dead. – Are you sure? – Yes. – I just got my flu shot.
(crowd laughs) – You really are dead. – Wait. If I’m dead, that
means I get my 72 virgins! (crowd laughs) Are you my virgins? I hope not. – Why? – There’s a bunch of
ugly ass guys out there. If this is paradise, I’ve been screwed! – Well, did they say it
would be only female virgins? – Holy crap!
(crowd applaud)

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  1. Even he insulting me as a Muslim But he make me laugh .. But let's be Serious Terorist has no nationality And no religion Let's look to the Irish killing groups In the past And let's lookTo the people who killed in Burma And let's take a good look to the people who get killed in New Zealand Let's get look to the palastine people Who get Killed everyday and I mean every single day

  2. This is not funny, its too rassist 0:43
    have you ever heard arabians or moslem say the word "Allah damnit" ??
    Do you have problem with a moslem ?
    The jokes have a limits, dont take our God into your FUCKING jokes !!!

  3. So Achmed
    No no, it Auuuchmed!
    That's what I said.
    No, you said Achmed, it's Auuuchmed, hau! hau! hau! hau! hau!

  4. That saying of 72 virgins is a myth , your wife in paradise is the same as your wife in this life but both males & females will be pure without flaws .

  5. It sickens me what the left has done to the Boy Scouts. Just sad. They destroy everything they touch.

  6. I seriously always forget the Jeff is actually doing the voices. Seriously, 95% of the time I believe the puppets are actually real somehow… which I guess means he so good that you forget just how good he is haha…

  7. "you said ACMED… its AKHHHH… KH KH KH KH!!!!!!!"
    "I kill you-khhh"
    "He scares the crap out of me-khhh"
    "its not funny-khhh"

  8. By the way USA, thanks for all the terrorist attacks in Europe due to your imperialistic war on Irak… But I guess you don't even need terrorism to regulate your population, since you kill one another on a daily basis… xxx

  9. It is actually longer. It started off high but soon got a little less funny, then boring past the Lindsey Lohan thing…

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