The Five Phases of Donald Trump’s Annual Physical

The Five Phases of Donald Trump’s Annual Physical

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-Trump made an unplanned visit to Walter Reed Medical Center
on Saturday. He tweeted he was there to visit the family
of a young man having surgery. And while he was there, he said, “Also began phase one
of my yearly physical. Everything very good. Great.” [ Laughter ] Phase one of a physical? That sounded strange. So we did some digging
and discovered that his annual physical
has five phases. So let’s take a look now at the five phases of
Donald Trump’s annual physical. Phase one, measure
his official height and negotiate
his official weight. [ Laughter, applause ] Phase two,
a complete strip, spackle, priming, and repainting. Phase three, his annual battery
of paternity tests. [ Laughter, applause ] Phase four, surgically remove
his hand from a Nutella jar. And finally, phase five, ask
about getting breast implants. Not the procedure — He just
wants to play around with them. [ Laughter, applause ]
This has been the five phases of Donald Trump’s
annual physical.

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  1. "Every year I take at least 300 steps. They say the most of any president in history. I'm also very strong, the strongest even, the Doctor told me my heart was bigger than any man's he'd ever seen."

    – Trump probably.

  2. Trump is about as smart as a Zombie and, maybe, they are keeping him alive by the same means… That would explain both his demeanor and his utterances…

  3. Mr.Foxnews sir. I am a super doc of psychology and have a sdp in psychology. Sir we have a list of how crazy a person is.
    Number one: I met God
    Number two: it’s everyone else,not me
    Sir, you suffer badly from number two. It’s not all the many other news channels, it’s you

  4. He was having an anxiety attack. The panicky feeling that the walls are closing in.

    Wonder where that idea is coming from? 😂

  5. He wiped his ass with printed paper and now his rectum is smarter then his brain, this needed to be corrected by getting his asshole lobotomised

  6. Who would have thought that eating Mc Donald's every day and doing uppers is not the best thing for your health. He thinks sport decreases his health by reducing his energy like a battery.

  7. Phase 1: Lie about height (hint: he's shorter than Obama) and then lie about weight so that it's just barely above obese.

  8. Trump negotiates on his height too, he's barely 5'11" if he's an inch but he wears lifts and leans forward like a bloated penguin to make himself look taller.

  9. Dr. Eric Berg diagnosed exactly what Trump's health is and its shocking…Take a look

  10. He has had caffeine and Ritalin pill addiction since the 1980's. Which can be proven thru some of his incoherent rallies and slurring of his words. His heart is going to explode right out of his chest

  11. As with everything in the Trump universe there is no truth at all in the official announcement. Anything that could be done in the WH would have been done as a matter of course. There was something in the hospital that Trump needed that wasn't available in the WH, and it wasn't some poor soul waiting for surgery. As usual, Trump's aversion to the truth leaves himself wide open to the most hilarious comedy.

  12. "… and here is my medical chart showing my uh-brain function. You can see it is trending downward at first, but the most important part is here at the end where it zooms way up to Stable Genius levels. And just ignore the fact that it appears to have been edited by hand using a black sharpie."

  13. Stop right there boy, stop right there. If you remove Trump's hand from a Nutella jar, he might be able to type in the nuclear code numbers believing that he is ringing out for a Big Mac and fries.

  14. The possibility of being held accountable for something for the first time in 72 years, combined with a steady diet of KFC and Adderall, are starting to take their toll.

  15. trump can stay in the hospital for all I care, I have no concern for that creeps health, that creep is selling our country out to his bff putin….Impeach Indict Jail trump! SAVE OUR COUNTRY AND THE REST OF THE WORLD FROM trump and the cowardly gop thugs!

  16. The Five Phases of t'rump supporter thinking – as told by a t'rump supporter.
    "Phase 1. Hold on a second, there are five? I can't count that high!"


  17. Look at the numbers on that memo.. trump is healthier than the average American, than Obama's figures… better than the average Olympic athlete??? Gtfoh… why is nobody calling g that out?

  18. Phase 1: Lie about the nature of his visit to the hospital.
    Phase 2: Pay a seedy doctor to pretend Trump's test results were "all positive".
    Phase 3: Manage to commit both bribery and extortion in the course of a five minute hospital visit.
    Phase 4: Say "the Do Nothing Democrats committed bribery and extortion" during his visit to the hospital.
    Phase 5: Have Bill Barr announce an investigation into what Joe Biden did during Trump's visit to the hospital.

  19. He stuffed himself with so much chicken that it got sentient and crossed the road to visit the hospital to get out of Trump's body

  20. He plans to complete his Annual physical, next year. So, let's add Annual to the lists of words he doesn't know the meaning of.

  21. He is definitely stressing about the impeachment. He prolly has a panic attack. Funny thing other Presidents visibly in office because of the heavy responsibility that they took seriously. Not Trump, he only stresses only when his corrupt government is under investigation.

  22. Phase 1.
    Get a cognitive test before the actual physical, because we all know that in a couple of months tRump will be a raving loony.
    But by getting that part out the way when he is almost sane, he can fake another physical.

  23. There are actually six phases…. Seth‘s team forgot the decontamination phase, for the poor healthcare provider who had to examine him.
    Seriously …you can’t get that close to Trump and not need a Silkwood shower afterwards 😬😒

  24. Does the annual physical examination include distemper and rabies vaccination for the Tribble that lives on his head???

  25. Seth send link to your attempts at hearing the phone conversation away from ear, yours was on speaker phone and you couldn’t get it to work

  26. My annual physical takes 20 mins. I want the Universal Healthcare 5-phase annual physicals! (is that like the 3-phase car wash? I want that too!)

  27. adderall addiction, obesity, sleep deprivation, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and stress from being found out that he's a loser and a clueless fraud!

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