Weekend Update: Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy on Passover 3 – SNL

Weekend Update: Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy on Passover 3 – SNL

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>>THE 6th NIGHT OF THE JEWISH
HOLIDAY, HERE IS JACOB.>>MY DAD WANTED ME TO GIVE YOU
THESE INSULTS AND ALSO TO REMIND TO YOU WEAR FLIP FLOPS THIS
SUMMER AROUND THE POOL.>>>YOU GOING TO HAVE FUN FOR
PASSOVER? PASSOVER?
>>DURING PASSOVER WE EAT SEVERAL FOOTS THAT ARE SYMBOLIC
OF THE PASSOVER STORY. WE EAT MATSO BECAUSE IT REMINDS
US THAT THE YOU JEWS DIDN’T HAVE TIME FOR THE BREAD TO RISE WHEN
ESCAPING EGYPT. IT TASTES OKAY, BUT IT’S NO PAPA
JOHNS PIZZA.>>YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAKE A
SPEECH. WE CAN HANG OUT AND TALK AS
FRIENDS.>>THE OTHER SYMBOLIC FOODS ARE
THOSE THAT REPRESENTS THE MORTAR USED BY THE SLAVES TO MAKE
BRICKS. THE BRICKS I SCRAPED MY CHIN ON
WHEN I WAS LEARNING TO PLAY BRIDGE AND MY CHAIR COLLAPSED.
SERIOUSLY I WANT TO THANK MY BROTHER FOR HELPING ME GET ON MY
SCRAPES EVEN THOUGH HE CHANGED THE PASSWORD ON MY IPF AND
CHARGED MY $20 TO GET BACK INTO IT.
>>SOMETHING MY BROTHER WOULD DO.
THIS TIME –>>IT REMINDS ME OF WHAT THEY
USED BEFORE THEY ESCAPED. THE BITTER HERBS IS ROMAINE
LETTUCE, BUT IT’S NO PAPA JOHNS PIZZA.
>>YOU ARE REALLY GIVING FREE PRESS TO PAPA JOHNS PIZZA.
IS THAT YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA PLACE?
>>THE ROASTED EGG IS SYMBOLIC OF RENEWAL AND REJUVENATION
WHICH IS ALSO WHAT MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS MY AUNT MADELINE IS DOING
TO HER FACE.>>OH, HEY —
>>FINALLY, GREEN VEGETABLE IS IN SALT WATER TO REPRESENT THE
TEARS OF THE JEWS WHICH IS SAD AND I’M SAD WHEN I THINK ABOUT
HOW I WILL BE GOING AWAY TO CAMP IN THE POCONOS THIS SUMMER AND
LEAVING MY FRIENDS BEHIND. EVEN DEREK JETER WENT TO THE
YANKEES ONE DAY.>>YOU CRYING?
YOU WILL HAVE FUN.>>IN CONCLUSION, I WANT TO
THANK MY COUSINS FOR COMING IN FROM SCOTTSDALE BECAUSE THEY GOT
A FREE FLIGHT FROM COMPLAINING. MY BEST FRIEND WHO EVERYONE
THINKS IS JEWISH, MY UNCLE SIMON EVEN THOUGH MY DAD SAID HE IS
BLINDED TO HIS DEVOTION TO ISRAEL AND I WANT TO DEDICATE
THIS TO MY BUBY WHO MAKES THE BEST MASSO BALL SOUP.
IT’S NO –>>HERE IT COMES.
>>PAPA JOHNS PIZZA.>>YEAH!

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100 Comments

  1. There is nothing less entertaining in the known universe  as the insipid morons currently part of the SNL  comedic staff. Learn a little from the giants which paved the way to good cerebral comedy you buffoons , perhaps your all may be better employed as court jesters .

  2. ROFL! Obnoxious Bar mitzvah boy thinks he's reading The Torah! I like how Jacob ignores Michael. Classic, clever and much better

  3. I wonder how many people are aware that Jewish people being enslaved in Egypt by Pharaoh is as much a myth as the tale of Noah. I'm fact Jews were given refugee in Egypt when the Assyrians and Babylonians conquered the Levant. the first Synagouges were in Egypt as they were the first places Jews worshipped freely outside of Israel. the earliest correspondence between Israel/Judah and Egypt involved them calling the Pharaoh beloved father and requesting Egypt send a few hundred of their famed bowmen to assist in defending against northern invasions.

    they did not build the pyramids. the ones who worked on such holy structures were well paid and honored by being buried around the pyramids and having their names engraved which was a huge deal for egyptians in their religion.

  4. As someone who is celebrating Passover at the moment, This sketch is evil because i really want pizza rn :'(

  5. mmmmmm, that jewish accent is making me cringe. She sounds like she's mixing it with aristocratic brit and high school cheer leader.

  6. am I the only one that finds Vanessa Bayer very very atractive? something about her catches my attention.

  7. what is the accent supposed to be? is she trying to be ridiculous? she's a really good actress i'm just trying to understand

  8. Maybe it's because I'm relatively new to SNL, but I don't get it. I mean I get the jokes and why they're funny, but I don't get why this bit is where it is. It seems shoe-horned.

  9. Oh the stereotypes.
    I remember my Bat Mitzvah. I did not reference any pizza places. I had the section on stoning your wayward child. Fun topic.

  10. papa murphy’s is really good, but iT’s nO pApA jOhN’s piZzA.

    jk papa murphy’s is better, but don’t quote me on that!

  11. Is this supposed to be funny. I guess you have to be 2% of population and own more than 50% of the wealth and work every day to destroy Palestine and white people.

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