Weekend Update on Donald Trump’s Wiretapping Accusation – SNL

Weekend Update on Donald Trump’s Wiretapping Accusation – SNL

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♪♪♪
>>Announcer: IT’S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST AND
MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>WHAT’S UP, EVERYBODY?>>WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE.
I’M COLIN JOST.>>I’M MICHAEL CHE.
>>THIS SATURDAY MORNING WHILE HIS NURSE WAS AT TEMPLE, GRANDPA
SHUFFLED OUT OF HIS ROOM AND GOT INTO HIS TWITTER ACCOUNT WITHOUT
OFFERING ANY EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER, PRESIDENT TRUMP
>>IS IT LEGAL FOR A SITTING PRESIDENT TO BE
WIRETAPPING A RACE FOR A PRESIDENT PRIOR TO AN ELECTION?
DUDE YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND YOU ARE
SEEKING LEGAL ADVICE ON TWITTER? THAT’S LIKE YOUR DOCTOR
TWEET OUT, HEY DOES THIS LOOK INFECTED?
BUT THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS ALLEGATION FOR A SITTING
PRESIDENT TO MAKE ABOUT HIS PREDECESSOR.
AND YOU KNOW THAT BECAUSE HIS VERY NEXT TWEET WAS —
“ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER ISN’T VOLUNTARILY LEAVING “THE
APPRENTICE,’ HE WAS FIRED BY HIS BAD RATINGS.”
THIS GUY’S TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS JUST BAFFLING.
HE’S LIKE A CRAZY GUY ON THE SUBWAY YELLING, THEY’RE TAPPING
MY PHONE! SCHWARZENEGGER SUCKS.
I CAN LICK MY OWN ELBOW. DONALD, FORGET ABOUT “THE
APPRENTICE” ALREADY. YOU’RE THE PRESIDENT NOW.
YOU ARE THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THE FREE WORLD.
IT IS A MUCH MORE IMPORTANT SHOW.
AND YOUR RATINGS ARE DEAD LAST.>>I DO HOWEVER HAVE TO GIVE
TRUMP SOME CREDIT THOUGH. EARLIER THIS WEEK, HE WAS ABLE
TO SPEAK LIKE A HUMAN PRESIDENT FOR OVER AN HOUR.
IN FACT, 78% OF AMERICANS HAD A POSITIVE REACTION TO TRUMP’S
SPEECH. BUT THAT’S BECAUSE THE BAR WAS
SET AT READ WORDS GOOD. IT IS NOT AN ENCOURAGING SIGN WE
ARE HOLDING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES TO THE SAME
STANDARD AS ANY BAR MITZVAH BOY.>>PRESIDENT TRUMP’S SPEECH WAS
MET WITH SILENCE FROM THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY AND WITH CHEERS
FROM THE SAUSAGE PARTY.>>FEMALE DEMOCRATS WORE ALL
WHITE OUTFITS TO SHOW THEIR SUPPORT FOR THE WOMEN’S SUFFRAGE
MOVEMENT. EITHER THAT OR THEY WERE ABOUT
TO GO TO A PARTY AT P-DIDDY’S HOUSE.
>>PRESIDENT TRUMP APPEARED OPTIMISTIC SAYING, EVERYTHING
THAT IS BROKEN IN OUR COUNTRY CAN BE FIXED.
WHICH IS HARD TO BELIEVE COMING FROM A GUY WHO SPENT THE BETTER
PART OF HIS LIFE AS A SLUMLORD. WHENEVER A BAD LANDLORD SAYS
THEY’RE GOING TO FIX WHAT’S BROKEN THEY SEND SOME
RUSSIAN GUY TO DO IT.>>A LARGE PART OF DONALD
TRUMP’S SPEECH ON TUESDAY INVOLVED IMMIGRATION REFORM.
WHICH TRUMP ARGUING THAT WE SHOULD SWITCH BETWEEN MERIT
BASED SYSTEM. AND IT’S TRUE UNSKILLED
IMMIGRANTS COMING TO THE U.S. COST TAXPAYERS MONEY.
BUT THE SECOND GENERATION OF IMMIGRANTS ADDS HUGE VALUE TO
THE ECONOMY. AND BY THE THIRD GENERATION,
THEY’RE PRESIDENT.>>A MERIT BASED SYSTEM IS
CONTRARY TO THE WHOLE IDEA OF AMERICA.
MY IRISH ANCESTORS CERTAINLY DIDN’T COME HERE BECAUSE THEY
WERE THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST. THEY CAME HERE BECAUSE GOD TOOK
THEIR POTATOES AWAY. AND NOW, AFTER DECADES OF HARD
WORK, THEY HAVE LITERALLY DOZENS OF POTATOES.
THAT’S PROGRESS. MICHAEL?
>>AT LEAST THEY HAD A CHOICE.>>PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID —
>>PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID THAT HIS BUDGET WILL HELP ENLARGE WHAT HE
— CALLED A DEPLETED MILITARY. DEPLETED MILITARY IN RELATION TO
WHAT, THE DEATH STAR. I THINK OUR MILITARY HAS BODY
DYSMORPHIA. YEAH.
WE’RE LIKE THAT ROIDED OUT GUY AT THE GYM SLAMMING PLATES
AROUND STILL WORKING ON OUR TRAPS.
AND IT’S LIKE, YEAH, DUDE, WE GET IT, YOU’RE STRONG.
MAYBE FOCUS ON EDUCATION NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>FORMER KENTUCKY GOVERNOR STEVE BASHEAR THEN GAVE THE
DEMOCRATIC RESPONSE TO PRESIDENT TRUMP’S SPEECH, FROM WHAT
APPEARED TO BE A PUBLIC SCHOOL CAFETERIA WHERE THE LIGHTS WERE
RUNNING ON A BACKUP GENERATOR. THIS DIDN’T EXACTLY INSPIRE
CONFIDENCE IF YOU’RE A DEMOCRAT. IT LOOKS LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO
SELL MY GRANDPARENTS COLONIAL PENN LIFE INSURANCE.
WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE DOESN’T MATTER.
>>I’M A PROUD DEMOCRAT. BUT FIRST AND FOREMOST.
I’M A PROUD REPUBLICAN. AND MOSTLY AMERICAN.
>>WOW, CONGRATULATIONS, DEMOCRATS, AND REPUBLICANS, BUT
MOSTLY AMERICANS. DEMOCRATS HAVE TO STOP FORCING
NEW LEADERS ON US. JUST LET US FIND SOMEONE WHO
VOTERS RESPOND TO NATURALLY. PASSIONATELY.
AND THEN WORK VERY HARD TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T GET THE
NOMINATION.>>KELLYANNE CONWAY WAS WIDELY
CRITICIZED THIS WEEK AFTER BEING PHOTOGRAPHED KNEELING ON A COUCH
IN THE OVAL OFFICE. AND SURE IT DOES KIND OF LOOK
LIKE SHE IS SEARCHING FOR A FLORIDA PLAY LIST TO MAKE HER
BLACK FRIENDS DANCE, BUT I AM NOT GOING NOT GOING TO MAKE FUN
OF HER. I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD FOR KELLY
ANNE CONWAY, BECAUSE HER JOB SUCKS.
YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN AN AIRLINE LOSES YOUR LUGGAGE, AND YOU
CAN’T TALK TO THE CEO, SO YOU JUSTENED UP SCREAMING AT SOME
FRAZZLED LADY NOW GOT TO SPEND HER LUNCH BREAK CRYING INTO A
LEAN CUISINE? WELL THAT LADY IS KELLYANNE
CONWAY. THAT’S HER DAY.
WE WALL HAVE HAD ROUGH JOBS. COULD YOU IMAGINE BEING CUSTOMER
SERVICE FOR DONALD TRUMP? I MEAN, LOOK AT HER DOES SHE
LOOK LIKE SHE IS IN CONTROL? SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE SHOULD BE ON
AN INFOMERCIAL YELLING, BUT THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER
WAY.>>THIS WEEK IT WAS REVEALED
THAT ATTORNEY GENERAL JEFF SESSIONS MET WITH THE
AMBASSADOR TO RUSSIA DURING THE CAMPAIGN, EVEN THOUGH HE DENIED
SUCH A MEETING DURING HIS CONFIRMATION HEARING.
NOW, SAYING NO TO A QUESTION WHEN THE ANSWER IS YES, MIGHT
SEEM LIKE A BLACK AND WHITE ISSUE.
REMEMBER, BLACK AND WHITE ISSUES ARE WHAT JEFF SESSIONS IS WORST
AT. THE SILVER LINING IS THAT NOW
WHEN YOU GOOGLE JEFF SESSIONS, JEFF SESSIONS RUSSIA COMES UP
BEFORE JEFF SESSIONS RACIST. SO THAT’S AN IMPROVEMENT.
>>ACCORDING TO REPORTS WHILE MIKE PENCE WAS GOVERNOR OF
INDIANA HE USED A PERSONAL AOL E-MAIL ACCOUNT TO DISCUSS
SENSITIVE MATTERS, INCLUDING HOMELAND SECURITY.
PENCE SAID HE CHOSE AOL BECAUSE HOTMAIL WAS FORBIDDEN BY HIS TOOK YOU A LITTLE WHILE.

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100 Comments

  1. So how do you Globalist Propaganda Mouth pieces feel now? Especially now that it has been exposed that you are all a bunch of fucking LIARS!!! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Wow, just came across this, guess Trump was right, Obama and his minions were actually spying on him with false FISA requests. I guess SNL now has to do a correction? Never happen.

  3. I see not funny people. But they don't know they are not funny. Because they just tell jokes to each other.

  4. Wait a fucking second, was that… Was that the Catheter Cowboy from Last Week Tonight at 4:20–4:38?

  5. This was one of the better burns on the sitting administration in 2018 (who shall not be named here)😅😀😁

  6. what ratings is he talking about? What does he mean he has good ratings? Who is the rater? Is there a super organization dedicated to rating every entity in existence? #1 orange person, 1# person who got fired from the apprentice #1 particle of air 1# homeless person 1# number with a one on it. Dafuq is wrong with this retarded fat thanos?

  7. My reaction to the speech…wow. wait…let me say…😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

  8. Just Like Little Pinocchio The Stories Grow and Grow……..
    Look around every Corner
    Double Lock Your Door
    Better check your mail
    Cause You Can't be Too Sure
    But don't get bugged
    If You might find…
    Somebody done Tapped Your Line
    Cause – You are hunted
    Beware of The Hunter……..

  9. Agree with you on KellyAnne, but on the other hand, I hope she has to share a cell with Donny and the bandits! What torture that would be!

  10. Thank you Colin for giving me a new way to describe why my ancestors came here: because God took their potatoes away

  11. I’m tired of being embarrassed for being American. What the hell are we doing? Especially with George junior and the Donald. I know, let’s just get someone into office that we can sacrifice, but can spell well enough to sign their own name to something they don’t even understand. Talk about shithole countries. 100% of people in the USA are immigrants or descended from them, including Native Americans. They were just here first (with all due respect and admiration). If we spent our military budget on making the world a better place, this would be freaking heaven on Earth for everybody. I just don’t get people. If your not an angry, greedy, controlling dick, you’re a snowflake. Well, a blizzard is brewing.

  12. 2 years later 4:44, Bernie Sanders Hot Presidential ticket for 2nd time. 2020. Thanks SNL for insane laughs LOL

  13. please don't say the two words that also mean "hot dog gathering". i still get PTSD flashbacks whenever i hear those words. damn you, Seth Rogen…

  14. It's funny how they're making fun of Trump about accusing Obama of spying on his campaign in 2017 and now in 2019 there's evidence that he was right.. Obama was spying on Trump during the election lol

  15. Immigrants before 1965 had to have skills and took no handouts, assimilated, and Barry butted the military with all his race baiting

  16. As soon as Trump announced there was spying, lapdog media couldn't wait to try and deny it. Will they do another show now saying Trump was right.? Doubtful. Stuill kissing Obama's ^ Hillary's crooked ass. Hopefully, your "satire' will be regarded for what it really is – conspiracy in sedition.

  17. Yuh know I always look at the comment section of these weekend updates hoping to troll some angry trump supporters & all I ever see is nothing but support for SNL & not a trump loving idiot in sight. Good on yuh America 😎👍

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